cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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