I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
