went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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