Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
