Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
