I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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