Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
