I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
