guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
