think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
