idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
