the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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