He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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