I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
