Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
