then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
