As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
