She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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