Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
