The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Randomize
