i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
