his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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