I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
