ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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