K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
