I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize