that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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