Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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