i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We left the knife in your bed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ladies don't puke and tell
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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