i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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