well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize