Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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