so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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