Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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