So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
