It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
