are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
