So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
