I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
