You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize