i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize