If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
