She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
