her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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