He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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