and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
