True but thats because hes a fetus.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
