why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize