why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
