So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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