TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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