just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Acid is not a monday night drug
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
