Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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