i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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