she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
