FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My feet surprised me
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