Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
