oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
