Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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