If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
