I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
false alarm. still invincible.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
