Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
