He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
