just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
