Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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