I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize