You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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