Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
